It’s the job of younger generations to adopt trends baffling to their elders. From outlandish fashion and outre dance moves to boundary-pushing music and film. It’s the way it should be. However, the latest trend from gen Z is concerning in unprecedented ways. It’s Airport Theory.
“Is that what they are calling MDMA these days?” you may be thinking. Unfortunately it is something far more concerning: it’s being late to the airport.
Yep, in a trend that’s gone viral on social media, young people are arriving at the airport just 15 to 20 minutes before their flight is set to depart. If you broke into a cold sweat just reading that sentence, I’m right there with you.
Social media is full of people “testing” the theory with shaky camera work as they dash through airports to their gate. Some make it with moments to spare, but plenty of other people are just flat out missing their flights.
In the US, the Transportation Security Administration has warned against the trend: “Our theory . . . you’re more than likely missing your flight if you arrive 15-20 minutes before it departs,” they posted on social media.
People try Airport Theory because they don’t want to waste precious time hanging around at an airport. But someone needs to tell these kids that wasting time at airports is one of life’s great joys.
“I love going extra early to airports just to hang out,” a friend told me. I nodded in agreement. “Sometimes I tell my husband our flight is actually earlier than it is so we get extra time there,” she added. I side-eyed her with that one.
Hanging out at an airport is great. Admittedly, Perth Airport isn’t one of the world’s great transportation hubs, but it gets the job done.
The thing about airports is they run by a whole different set of rules to the outside world. Sure, you can’t walk through security with a nail file and a tube of toothpaste bigger than 100ml, but you can have a beer at 6am. In the real world, sleeping on the floor in a public place is a deeply strange act; in an airport — knock yourself out. No really, I have some melatonin (the good stuff, got it online) in the carry-on.
In the real world, you probably wouldn’t spend $30 on the paperback memoir of a woman who gave up a “high-flying corporate career to find herself in Paris”, but this is the airport! You’ll be sobbing by chapter three.
“You are a strong independent woman,” you will whisper, emotionally, as you read a mildly amusing anecdote about buying asparagus in Marche Alimentaire Saint-Germain.
In the real world, you probably wouldn’t buy a hot-pink caftan covered in pineapples that costs a week’s wage. But this is the airport. And you’re about to go on holiday, where you will be an entirely different person to the humdrum dag you normally are.
Relaxed, chic, confident. The type of person who owns a designer hot-pink caftan covered in pineapples.
Why would you miss out on all these wonders for the sake of what? More time at home? To pack?! Who wants to do that?
No, a much better Airport Theory is to arrive extra early. Breeze through that gate. Do a little shopping, have a drink. Get on the plane and choose what movies you’re going to watch.
Look at the empty seat next to you and hope that it stays that way. After all, its occupant might only just be arriving at the airport.